Tales of a Persecuted Physician - Part II
The meaning behind my work...
Recently, a patient’s family shared with me a beautiful message and the recording from her celebration of life. Below I am sharing parts of these, with explicit permission from her spouse to provide the necessary understanding of our basic need for sincere human connection and contact in the construction of living meaningful lives.
Hello Crystal.
Video of Chris' CoL [celebration of life] service we were finally able to hold at my church this past Saturday. Over 300 family and friends came out to support our family in honouring her.
If you have some time, I encourage you to watch to catch a glimpse into the life and the family you blessed with your compassion, your conviction to stand for truth and doing what is right, and your courage in doing this in the face of unjust consequences.
I thank God that Chris had a doctor like you in her last days that recognizes that every life has a story behind it and is deserving of equal measures of dignity and compassion in their care. I commend you for a service to your patients that encompasses these all so important and respected strengths in your character.
You are loved.
S
Again, with full permission to share, Chris passed in the early part of 2021, and her family could not honour her properly until just a few days ago. They suffered delayed grief and closure, but, their resilience carries forth the love and honour they all share for Chris. Her life and quality of being were, and continue to be, influential in many ways, and the stories that emerged serve as a burgeoning reminder of what it means to be human. This particular patient’s care needs exclusively required her family and friends because she lived her life in intentional purposeful priority for them. Her existential pain from being denied her most basic essential needs, her family’s closeness and human connection, while hospitalized is something I will never forget. Connection and contact with those she loved was how she lived her life and how she similarly needed to depart this world.
As a particularly humanistic physician, I have the honour and privilege to intimately connect with patients and their families to learn about their goals, their fears, and importantly about the life they have lived that broadcasts who they are as unique beings in this world. Chris was one of the most incredible people I had ever met and part of my job, as her palliative care physician, was to advocate for her (and all my patients) last wishes and goals of care. Yet, my advocacy was met with pure frustration by hospital administrators who did not know my patient, and the subsequent callous rejection of my patient’s deeply personal needs was nothing short of cruel. Like most people, Chris needed to be with her family as much as possible during her last moments here with them. Her whole family. She loved each person wholeheartedly and needed to be sure they knew just how much, personally, one last time. This was an absolute need for Chris on a psychological, spiritual and physical level. She also needed to hug and kiss her loved ones and hold her new grand-babies until she couldn’t. But, due to never ending streams of harsh and imposed covid restrictions in hospitals, Chris, like many others, was being denied her care needs. Her life force and essence as a living being was her children, grandchildren, spouse and family/friends. Most people will say, “of course, who’s isn’t”. But, Chris lived her life, each and every day, in a purposeful way that she prioritized the most important elements to living: the people closest to her in life. She “walked the walk” as her son shared. She never missed a moment. Many people strive to live such an intentional life, but few actually make the necessary sacrifices to be actionable this way consciously and lovingly in this world today. She modelled the most important qualities of living a good life to instil her beautiful perspective and values into others so it lives on. As I watched her celebration of life recording, each person who spoke was also a clear shining example of who Chris was and how she lived life. S spoke of his early years and wedding and their 30+ year marriage with all that brings about in a life. He expressed his gratitude for having the good fortune to share such a beautiful life full of love, dancing, and incredible memories. Chris’ daughter outlined her rules for life and I am honoured to be able to share those with my readers with permission from her family. To understand why patient-centred care and the individual matter, please try to open your heart to understanding what her life and loss means to so many and the world we live in. And in doing so, consider that there are always multiple ways to solve complex problems and continue to maintain safety.
Life lessons by Chris (from her daughter’s speech during COL):
Be open to new friendships, connections, and conversations
Chris understood the value of each person and that of human connection
If there is a will there is a way
Laugh as hard as possible, often
everyone spoke of Chris’ loud, infectious laugh, but she also had this silent laugh that sounded like a “deflating air mattress” and everyone knew this was her best laugh.
Stay true to yourself always
to do so, one must first deeply know who he/she is, as in his/her essence and spirit
Go out of your way to be kind to others and to help others
Honesty is the best policy
Never miss a chance to dance
Appreciate the simple moments
this requires an awareness and intention for present moment
Never fully grow up
Love endlessly
Whether we ever become aware of the impact we have on others in this life, it is important to understand that the choices we make do, in fact, impact many people in various ways. Kindness and love are far higher energy frequencies than fear and hate. People like Chris, who live each moment and make all decisions in love, elevate the vibrational frequencies of others and the world around them. The recurrent theme of Chris’ COL was her uncanny ability to connect with just about any human being in any setting in lasting and meaningful ways. What a legacy! Her love for all persons, her authentic lived gratitude, and her merit rang through loud and clear. How many strangers had Chris met over her short lifetime and, with her infectious smile and unconditional kindness, touched and lifted those lives? The truest testament to her quality being and life well lived is in others’ desire or aspiration to be like Chris. Just as Chris influenced her family to live honestly, lovingly, joyously, and intentionally, I too want to be just like Chris when I grow up.
What sets them apart as persons is their capacity to engage one another in distinctly interpersonal ways, such as conversation, arguments, criticism, moral evaluation, and exchanging promises and contracting with one another. Carol Rovane Professor of Philosophy
The infinite variety and diversity of interpersonal engagements amongst human beings is what shapes us and the world we live in. We cannot remove or untether this from the innate complex fabric of unique human beings. If we try to homogenize and consolidate all persons into a similar version of the constructed mass, life loses all variety, meaning, compassion, culture, innovation, creation and progress.
The individual, to me, matters greatly, particularly in health care, and ought not take the backseat to the idea of the collective. My approach to each and every patient I have the good fortune to encounter, is one of valuing and respecting the individual wholly, in mind, body, and spirit, in order to provide truly patient-centred care. I would like to share with you reasons for this so stay with me.
Without the individual, there is no collective.
At no time can any one of us fully understand what an experience was or is like for someone else, even when we try our hardest it is still from your own perspective. Every person’s voice and perspective matters. If we devalue any individual, it gives rise to superiority, intolerance, prejudice, and oppression.
Each life has it’s own unique role and value in the human community, and everyone has the potential to search within themselves for what these are. No one can identify and impose these on you when you are empowered to connect with yourself.
When we heed and tend to the basic needs of individuals, the collective thrives; yet, when we remove basic human needs and rights of individuals, the collective culture and society deteriorate.
Whenever human beings engage in joint endeavors, they achieve in degree the kind of unity characteristic of the individual person. And when human beings suffer from certain dissociative disorders, they may manifest multiple centers of such unity. Rovane 2006
We are each the “author” of our own lives, and thus have ultimate authority and responsibility. If we allow the elevation of influences and priorities to be that of the collective, during a crisis, to determine authority over any life, we create inequality and powerlessness in certain lives, leading to oppression and domination. No human being is born to dominate any other, ever.
Individualism does not equal selfishness. It requires intentional awareness and understanding of the inner workings of the being and effort to put forth the values of cooperation and equality and personal strengths for the good of a community. I see this in real time often.
When we really, authentically, look and listen to an individual’s story, experience, circumstances, or suffering, we yield far more than we can ever learn from avoiding this level of connection
Individuals are more difficult to conflate above others when starting from the space of mutual respect and equality. Groups create power dynamics and inclusion/exclusion factors inherently. This ultimately leads nowhere good as history has shown us time and time and time again.
Human progress and innovation is only possible with diversity of thought. We can see clearly in our current times how necessary and valuable divergent perspectives are and how outcomes could improve from including individuals with differing views.
Free will is, from my perspective, is our direct connection to source and, as such, is the divine spark bringing forth life. When decisions are removed from individuals, it severs this bond and its jurisdiction and, consequently, renders a human being a subject, rather than a free soul with inherent, inalienable rights.
This message I received is one of so many that offer similar tender feedback about my approach to care of human lives. It is in these moments and and their requisite vulnerable sincerity that I experience profound gratitude and find peace. I am honoured to be the one on the receiving end of such honesty, beauty and love. Over 70 of my patients have completed affidavits of the positive impact my care approach has had on them and the harms that are occurring due to the misguided decisions of a regulatory body. My intentional life’s work and service is valued and important, despite its divergence from mainstream medicine. It was once celebrated, in the pre-covid era. Having the opportunity to learn and understand the impact my unique perspective and humanness in patients’ and families’ lives is a gift, and truly humbling. As such, it grounds me and provides a renewed sense of purpose to continue. Meeting people where they are at and helping to provide a deep understanding of disease and prognosis is required for patients to begin to frame their end of life needs or goals. Life is short and fragile. Here and gone in mere instants, leaving cavernous voids in our hearts and lives. There are risks every moment of every day and, thus, life must be lived! Being able to provide human beings with as beautiful and peaceful of a transition as possible, that reflects one’s unique essence and individual needs, is how I serve others and my community. Messages, like S’s, lift my spirit back to the level it is destined to be to push forward in times like these. I am so grateful for the interpersonal connections I am privileged to make with my patients and their families. This, to me, is where true medicine and health care are rooted; it is where healing happens.
Realizing the value of my efforts and care for others enables me to grieve the losses I am continuing to endure while being persecuted and cancelled. Because of my unending dedication to specific individual needs of my patient, Chris was able to leave this world with her needs met and her dignity in tact. All of my patients receive this same degree of commitment, respect, understanding, and advocacy, as they deserve.
I hope today’s post reaches people’s hearts. My gratitude for the effervescent ebbs and flows of human interconnections is alive and well. I hope to be back providing care to my patients one day in the not so distant future.
Stay tuned for Part 3 of this series, which is a living document as, for now, it will serve as a way to express my journey through such an unbelievable time in my life and career.
Also, I will be sharing other work in between that I have written throughout the past 2 years, just never had anywhere to share it until now.
https://etherplan.com/2020/07/04/the-individual-vs-the-collective-fallacy/11957/
Bravo... !