Tales of a Persecuted Physician IV
Saying goodbye is really tough!
Today was one of the hardest days of my life. The last of my professional belongings were packed up and moved out of my beloved quaint little office. Leaving behind all my keys, I turned the lights off for good this afternoon. Hearing the door close behind me sent a wave of pain and sadness through my chest because it is so much more than just walls and space. This was the place I chose to create and serve people intentionally with peace and love; to help them heal and grow through the difficulties in their life’s journeys.
Recent weeks have been spent in my office planning for this permanent closure. My stomach is constantly squeamish and tears fill my eyes spontaneously. Mailing out a letter (attached at the bottom) to all my patients explaining my current circumstances brought up so many emotions, including both anger and grief simultaneously. As patients started to receive their letters, many piled into my office day after day to share their disbelief and sadness, their stories of maltreatment and dismissal from our tarnished health care system, and many shared tears with me over this profound loss. The hugs were proliferate, long and loving. Beautiful embraces to be remembered and cherished. Real hugs are the best.
I value every life. All of the ways I advise patients is protective of the public as this is what individualized patient centred care provides. Yet, these criminals get to trample on the lives of my 1600 patients with their lies and distortions.
One patient recently expressed her unending gratitude for my care. Through tears she admitted, “you saved my life. If it wasn’t for you urging me to do a FIT test, even though I had a clear colonoscopy 3 years ago, I would be gone by now. You saved my life.” She said, “whatever you heard in my story that day made you urge me to have this test done”. And, this beautiful soul is adamantly waiting for me to return to medicine as she doesn’t want any other family doctor.
So many of my lovely patients shared similar humbling sentiments and heartfelt insights into their perspective. I’m thankful for these moments and grateful for the spectacular relationships I’ve developed with them all over the years. I cried a lot, each day crescendoing up to its finale today. Such a reality is next to impossible to accept and surrender to when it is not what any of us want or need. The public certainly is not “safer” because the cpso stole my licence away unlawfully.
Another patient of mine mentioned he watched the college tribunal hearing on November 23rd. He and his family had emailed cpso tribunal several times for access and never received any response. Like so many of my patients who call and email, they’re just brushed aside as if they don’t matter. Fortunately, they found the public link through another means. They were so glad to learn of the details of our case and he told me “we are proud to call you our doctor. You have incredible integrity.”
Almost every patient sees the corruption and the political scapegoat the cpso has sacrificed me as. Honestly, this entire charade seems like a shame ritual. Thankfully, they all understand this process is to set an example for all the complacent doctors in Ontario to remain so “or else”. The message is clear. Patients (aka the public) are well aware of the immorality and lawlessness of the college doubling down and suspending doctors’ licences for not following “recommendations and suggestions”. This moment became their biggest reveal no doubt. Trust and public perception of cpso and the health care regime itself are at an all time low. Cpso’s institutional attitudes, prejudices, decisions and actions have caused this rampant escalating mistrust and have seriously harmed the public. But, the jig is up.
Many of my patients want to speak publicly about the harms they have endured as a result of losing their only trusted source in health care. I hope to help organize a way to have their voices heard. Part of a doctor’s competency is to advocate for patients, especially those prejudiced, dismissed, and silenced. They want their doctor back and know wholeheartedly that they trust my care and advice.
I’m hoping to begin a series of patient testimonials to outline the breadth and depth of the actual real time harms occurring discriminately to my patients by these public servants.
First, I must find a path to healing from this profound perpetual trauma.
I’ve closed this door and pray the next one opens offering love instead of hate, communication instead of bullying, and equality instead of superficial ideological supremacism/wokeism.
.Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 fits for a time like this.
For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to throw away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; a time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to throw away; a time to tear, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; a time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for peace.
May we all bring in this new year with healing loving focus and peaceful intentions.
Happy New Year to all my readers and supporters.
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